The deal with disappointments…

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It has been very rough for me lately. As a creative artist, one has to work in an enabling environment (you know, the kind that lets you harness your creative abilities optimally). The environment has neither been enabling nor favorable and it seems as though the opportunities refuse to come. It is as disappointing as it is depressing. Some days, I find it so difficult to get out of bed because I fear for having yet another day like the last one- a phobia which branches into other different ones and eventually frightens me back to the only place that still feels safe: my bed.

As much as I would like to go on and on about how its leading to some kind of depression, my point is, I get it. I know what it feels like to want something so much and suffer because it seems too big a dream to achieve. I know what it feels like to be made empty promises and to be let down. I know what it feels like to be treated with disrespect and looked down on. I know what it feels to completely trust a person and have them betray you over and over. I understand the true meaning of disappointment. There is always someone in this world who has been in a worse place than you and who has been in a better place, this therefore means that you have never really been alone and even now, you are not alone because someone, somewhere has been right where you are (this may not offer any kind of real consolation, but it does give some relief that you aren’t somewhat abnormal, doesn’t it?)

The key to unlocking this gigantic, rusty door (at least one that I would recommend as it has worked for me in the past) is to never give up. It is that simple even though the process might be tiring and a little frustrating but if you think about it critically, you would see that persistence ALWAYS pays. Create in your head that fantasy world where all your dreams come true over and over and it is only going to be a matter of time before that becomes your reality (also close your mind to all kinds of negative things, that could slow you down a lot). I may be in a really awful place at the moment but I never stop dreaming. The second most important thing to do is to let go of all the pain and all the hurt. It does not define who you are, it is only a phase in your life. Just let it go.

My name is Aubrey and I’ve been happy to share.

TO DO : Create your perfect world in your mind and  push out those negative thoughts

DAILY MANTRA : You will find it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy.

 

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Do you believe?

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I believe in one God, the Father Almighty

I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the giver of life

I believe in the existence and efficacy of the intercession of His most Blessed mother, Mary

I believe in the angels and in the saints

I believe in resurrection after death

I believe in life everlasting in God’s presence

I believe in the power of Jesus to heal and to save, to turn impossibilities around, to make a way there is clearly none.

I believe in the power of God’s mercy, flowing freely for anyone and everyone.

I believe that God can do all things, and that He is reaching out to you right now through this medium, asking for your hand in friendship. Receive Him today and do whatever He tells you. He is all powerful, all good, all knowing and all gracious. There is nowhere else you would rather be, trust me.

I am a believer, are you?

TO DO : Watch the movie: God’s not dead (to reaffirm your faith as a believer or stir it up if you doubt)

DAILY MANTRA : “What no one ever saw or heard, what no one ever thought could happen, is the very thing God prepared for those who love Him” (1 Corinthians 2:9)

 

Your positive superpower…

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I have had an amazing past couple of weeks (of course that would mean I did things the world would call exciting right?) and even now I still feel a surge of energy coursing through my body as I put down these words. I have been genuinely happy and healthy and I can confidently say that my life is perfect (I promise, I’ll tell you why).

It would seem as though being happy is a state of mind, just like being angry or feeling lonely, but I would like to think that being happy is a decision. What this typically means is that I could be in the middle of a terrible situation but decide keep my state of mind on happiness (would sound ridiculous to the pessimists but it is true). I could be sick or hurt by a trusted friend, lover or family member and still choose happiness, in other words, I could create my perfect life out of the imperfections that exist around me. Ever since I found that source of power, I have held on to it and now I am eager to share it with everyone (don’t be surprised if it comes up in my future posts, it is that important).

Stay positive! Yes, I said so! There is so much to life than all the problems we encounter and even the ones we create for ourselves unknowingly (we do that a lot). A happy person feels more alive, and seems to have everything going  good for them (this is because the energy we emit into the universe always manifests itself and comes back to us as our hearts’ desire, therefore emitting negative energy brings back negative things and vice versa). When you do not let worry and anger get the best of you, you can focus on things that are truly important to you, the most being living a fulfilled life in any capacity you desire. Notice how “angry” people never attract for themselves anything good!

Let it be known,that happy people do not necessarily have all the “goodies” of this world, but what they have is far more than that: gratitude and love, the two important things that eventually bring all good things to them. Plus, isn’t having to close your eyes and have a good night’s worry free sleep something to crave and be thankful for? I suppose so. Those material things that get you worked up and bitter are temporary, and they too will become obsolete. In the end you are all you have and you must make the most of the precious life that God has given you. You must learn to live!

In the end, the past is past. Let all that has happened to you in the past be left behind (I know it hurts, trust me I have been there, but you must let go). Decide for yourself that you will be the best version of yourself that you have ever been.Take charge of your mind and send those negative thoughts on their way whenever they come knocking (yes, you are more powerful than you can imagine). Be willing to “walk through the valley of the shadow of death” with a smile on your face and joy in your heart. Trust me, all the good days are coming around again!

TO DO : Everyday, write a list of things that you are grateful for and say thank you.

DAILY MANTRA : What I have now was once among the things I hoped for.

Stop Trying!

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I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude there but the urgency of that title required me to use the said punctuation mark plus we do this so much it makes me want to scream (I’m very calm now, I promise).

Sometimes, our problem is not that we are inadequate or just plain unlucky, or that life is too hard or that people are too difficult. Sometimes, our problem is that we try too hard! (I’ll explain, don’t worry). We enjoy being in control (women, yes we do), we love to keep tabs on every situation and plan everything to the last detail. We love to check, double check and still attempt to fix what isn’t broken (most of the time we do it unconsciously and that’s not such a bad thing) but the problem with this is we fail to see how it adversely affects the people around us, including ourselves.

Women are such wonderful creatures: emotional, intelligent, strong, resilient (I could go on and on). We are simply amazing which is why we believe that we can take on everything and anything. True as that may be, more often than not we lose sight of what’s really important: truly loving ourselves and accepting that just like life, people are not perfect and really do not have to be. A good case study is that of relationships and how we all desire (wait for it)…”the perfect man.”

Hmm… the perfect man is every woman’s dream, matter of fact, most of us started creating him in our heads right from our childhood. He was the total package: a chiseled body (for those romance novel addicts and people generally who are into that type of thing), perfect hair, smart, funny, loyal, good but with the “bad boy” attitude amongst other “incredible” things. We believed that we didn’t have to do anything to deserve him, but that he would simply come on his proverbial white horse and whisk us away. We believed we could make him do our bidding and no matter how crazy we acted, he would always be around because we were simply irresistible. How wrong we were! Our adult life brought some harsh realizations that were in sharp contrast to what we had in our heads: people were different from what we originally imagined them to be and of course, our “perfect” men were not so perfect after all. Maturity beckoned on us to be more understanding, to adjust our mindsets and to accept the imperfections of the world and even though we decided it was safe and logical to do so, our pent up anger and resentment would not let us completely “let go”. This is the reason we ignore the ones who spend their time and energy loving us and pay attention to the ones who don’t with the hope that we would “change” them, fix them, turn them into the prince charming in our heads and have them love us and boy do we get disappointed most of the time!

It is important for us to pay attention to ourselves, understand who we are and that we too are imperfect despite all the wonderful qualities we possess (same goes for the men). It is also much more important to go beyond recognizing our imperfections to truly accepting and appreciating ourselves and acknowledging that we are unique and special (because we really are). It is only when we come to this realization that we begin to accept the shortcomings of others and more than that, love them all the more for it. We then stop trying to mold our perfect man or criticize or try to change the men in our lives who truly love us (we know they make us crazy sometimes but that’s okay), we begin to respect ourselves and stop letting the ones who do not deserve us hurt us simply because we cant let go of our “Messiah complex” (lets face it, attempting to change a man who is not interested in loving you or changing for your sake is an exercise in futility: only God can change a man, if it is necessary that he changes, that is). We begin to love like we should and the world begins to become the better place we always imagined it to be.

It is never too late to start over, to try again. It is never too late to pick up our broken pieces and move forward but in the right direction. Stop trying to change the world around you. Stop trying to change the man in your life. Stop trying to change your friends. Just stop trying!

Change yourself and see how without effort everything else changes!

TO DO : Instead of trying to change other people, focus your energy on developing the good qualities you possess.

DAILY MANTRA : I will be the change I want to see.

 

When things don’t go right…

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I am writing this post from a very awkward position (trust me, you don’t wanna know) and its not something I particularly fancy (I have been ill for 48 hours now). Its just not funny.

Imagine making plans to the last detail, telling yourself how your day, week and/or month will pan out, being happy at how organized and principled you can be and then BAM! something happens and scatters everything you have so meticulously put together. That has got to be one of the most frustrating things in this world if not the most frustrating (you can argue with your friends about that later). Point is, it sucks!

Now here comes the big question: what do you do when things don’t go right? There is an obvious temptation to want to give up, let go and just wallow in self pity and anxiety. It seems like the easiest option (unless you are bedridden but even then there is always a way out). It is very easy to fold your arms and say “I am done” and this can be seen not only in our personal activities but also in our relationships with others. We get too tired of trying to make it work, we prefer to fantasize about  the green grass in other people’s yards when we abandon and refuse to revive the grass turning brown in our backyards. We assume that if we don’t get it at the first try, then it is not meant to be and the forces are against us,therefore we need to try something new. We have the false notion in our heads that somehow things are just meant to fall into our laps and perfect themselves for us. What a wrong way to operate! (I say “we” because I struggle with it too)

Having a positive disposition to anything and everything is a great way to start. I could have decided to curl up in bed all day, feeling sorry for myself and thinking negative thoughts that could dampen my spirit even more (that has happened on a good number of occasions) but I decided to work within the capacity of my strength and keep my mind open and positive to receive what good the Universe has for me. It is a great mood lifter and I am sure that if it can work for me, it can work for you too. It is also important to not dwell so much on receiving and/or expecting as you should on giving and/or working for what you want. It is said that expectation is root of all disappointment (pretty logical because our standards for the kind of life we want to have are more often than not too high for anyone to provide for us but us!). Nobody said things were going to be easy, but you need to be absolutely certain that you have done the best for yourself that you can given your current situation (and if we critically analyze this, many of us would fall short).

Need I mention that the grace of God is always available (for those who believe) even when we fail to try. So imagine putting real effort and having supernatural backing at the same time: things that previously seemed impossible become surmountable. All of our problems will not disappear, but we become stronger to face them because giving up isn’t an option for us.

I am writing this post from a very awkward position (I know by now you know not to ask) but with some determination (and the grace of God) I have reached my finish line for today (I really hope that you have reached yours) so if the question lingers in your mind about what to do when things don’t go right, may I suggest you make a detour to the left? It might not be so bad after all.

TO DO : Try to find the next best option instead of giving up altogether

DAILY MANTRA : I won’t give up on me, no matter what!

The waiting game…

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I love punctuality, matter of fact I think it is an integral part of my genetic makeup. I really cannot stand having to be late for anything, or being kept waiting by anyone (for me that is worse than being sick, hypothetically of course). The earth is a wonderful place to be in when everything in my life is in order, especially as it relates to time.

But here’s the sad part. This kinda means that when something is out of order, doesn’t come in time or is on its way for way longer than it should, it creates a lot of chaos in my life. I start to feel as though my world is literally upside down, my body starts to itch and every inch of me is a bundle of nerves. Sometimes I start to snap at people (if for any unfortunate reason they are around me) and I end up creating more problems than I originally had (in other words, having a bunch of people to apologize to). And do not get me started if that coincides with “that time of the month”, then its like Hulk in real life (a little exaggerated but you get the point right?)

Here’s the thing: I decided to point this out because I know that I am one of many women who feel this way, who are not very good at playing the waiting game. Now wait a second, before you start to blame yourself for it you should consider this: We have often been told that we do not have the luxury of time, that we are like flowers that blossom and die off afterwards, blah blah blah (meaning menopause). Basically, all we hear around us is that our clocks are ticking fast. So its not entirely our fault for wanting what we want and at the time we want it too.

On the other hand, it is important to know that there are ways to deal with the pressure (yes there are). There are ways to wait properly without getting frustrated in the process (no one said it will be easy though), it all starts in the mind. Your mind needs to convince your body that time will not make you wither, instead, it will unite all the forces of the universe to make you blossom. Stay punctual (please do not change that for the world!) but just like the serenity prayer, accept the things you cannot change in good faith, have the courage to change the things that you can without succumbing to the frustration it often brings, and pray for the wisdom to know how to handle yourself and emerge stronger through all of it.

I am of the opinion that women are impatient by design (mother nature does not really give us the luxury of time) but we do not have to remain impatient. We can break what is seemingly the “curse” of impatience placed upon us by investing our time and effort in doing the things that we love and staying positive. Remember, everything (yes, I mean everything) comes to those who wait, and everything good comes to those who wait with a positive disposition while making the best use of what is available to them at every moment in time.

The concept of time is man made, therefore we can use it in a way that works for us, without letting it turn us into grumpy old women hitting menopause before menopause. We can play the waiting game like the divas that we are. We got this!

TO DO : Take your life one day at a time, and know the difference between rushing  and working swiftly.

DAILY MANTRA : My patience will achieve more than my force.

 

The Reward for good girls….

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My mother used to tell me when I was little: ” Brush your teeth properly Aubrey, if you don’t have clean teeth, no man will marry you.” I never thought much about that statement until recently.

It seems that the more we(good girls) try to be distinct from the crowd, the more we carry ourselves in a dignified manner, the more we keep ourselves pure and untainted by the world, the harder it gets for us to achieve our dreams. It is almost as though those who choose to live on the other side of life have more fun, experience life more and get their needs met(it is more frustrating than it sounds). Someone called me “fake” once because he did not believe that being good was a real trait a girl could possess (matter of fact, you would find people who would call you a pretender more often than not because you have principles, imagine that!)

This brings me to the subject of concern: the reward for good girls. Is the reward for good girls marriage? Is that all I get if I follow all the rules, jump all the hurdles and make all the right decisions? At the end of that long tough road transitioning from a little girl to a woman, will all I get at the end of the day be a husband? (Don’t get me wrong, getting married is a beautiful thing), but even the worst of women(if we decide to call them that) have been married to good men so really, something is totally off right??

I believe good girls can and should have everything they desire. I believe parents should tell their girl children that in addition to being good, they can have everything they want, everything that they work hard for, and that having a husband could be the cherry on top of the cake, but not the cake itself. Forgive your parents for not coming to this realization and be blessed knowing that you can not only apply this in your life as a young woman, but you can pass this on to your girl child(children) in the best way possible(I forgive you mum, I know you were just looking out for me).

So what is the reward for good girls? I dare say anything and everything!

TO DO: The right things, but be ruthless in the pursuit of your dreams

DAILY MANTRA: I am a good girl, and that’s not a bad thing!