Stop Trying!

stressed+black+woman

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude there but the urgency of that title required me to use the said punctuation mark plus we do this so much it makes me want to scream (I’m very calm now, I promise).

Sometimes, our problem is not that we are inadequate or just plain unlucky, or that life is too hard or that people are too difficult. Sometimes, our problem is that we try too hard! (I’ll explain, don’t worry). We enjoy being in control (women, yes we do), we love to keep tabs on every situation and plan everything to the last detail. We love to check, double check and still attempt to fix what isn’t broken (most of the time we do it unconsciously and that’s not such a bad thing) but the problem with this is we fail to see how it adversely affects the people around us, including ourselves.

Women are such wonderful creatures: emotional, intelligent, strong, resilient (I could go on and on). We are simply amazing which is why we believe that we can take on everything and anything. True as that may be, more often than not we lose sight of what’s really important: truly loving ourselves and accepting that just like life, people are not perfect and really do not have to be. A good case study is that of relationships and how we all desire (wait for it)…”the perfect man.”

Hmm… the perfect man is every woman’s dream, matter of fact, most of us started creating him in our heads right from our childhood. He was the total package: a chiseled body (for those romance novel addicts and people generally who are into that type of thing), perfect hair, smart, funny, loyal, good but with the “bad boy” attitude amongst other “incredible” things. We believed that we didn’t have to do anything to deserve him, but that he would simply come on his proverbial white horse and whisk us away. We believed we could make him do our bidding and no matter how crazy we acted, he would always be around because we were simply irresistible. How wrong we were! Our adult life brought some harsh realizations that were in sharp contrast to what we had in our heads: people were different from what we originally imagined them to be and of course, our “perfect” men were not so perfect after all. Maturity beckoned on us to be more understanding, to adjust our mindsets and to accept the imperfections of the world and even though we decided it was safe and logical to do so, our pent up anger and resentment would not let us completely “let go”. This is the reason we ignore the ones who spend their time and energy loving us and pay attention to the ones who don’t with the hope that we would “change” them, fix them, turn them into the prince charming in our heads and have them love us and boy do we get disappointed most of the time!

It is important for us to pay attention to ourselves, understand who we are and that we too are imperfect despite all the wonderful qualities we possess (same goes for the men). It is also much more important to go beyond recognizing our imperfections to truly accepting and appreciating ourselves and acknowledging that we are unique and special (because we really are). It is only when we come to this realization that we begin to accept the shortcomings of others and more than that, love them all the more for it. We then stop trying to mold our perfect man or criticize or try to change the men in our lives who truly love us (we know they make us crazy sometimes but that’s okay), we begin to respect ourselves and stop letting the ones who do not deserve us hurt us simply because we cant let go of our “Messiah complex” (lets face it, attempting to change a man who is not interested in loving you or changing for your sake is an exercise in futility: only God can change a man, if it is necessary that he changes, that is). We begin to love like we should and the world begins to become the better place we always imagined it to be.

It is never too late to start over, to try again. It is never too late to pick up our broken pieces and move forward but in the right direction. Stop trying to change the world around you. Stop trying to change the man in your life. Stop trying to change your friends. Just stop trying!

Change yourself and see how without effort everything else changes!

TO DO : Instead of trying to change other people, focus your energy on developing the good qualities you possess.

DAILY MANTRA : I will be the change I want to see.

 

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This little heart of mine…

 

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My name is Aubrey and I understand what it feels to be in pain, to inflict pain on myself and to try to wish it all away. I know what it means to want things so badly and not get them. I understand the pain of loving someone wholeheartedly and not having them love me back the way they should. I know the pain of being let down by a once trusted friend. I know the pain of knowing that other people like me, have been here and are still here.

As women, we are taught to seek validation from those around us, and to feel beautiful only by the things we adorn ourselves with: our hair extensions, our makeup, our clothes (the fancier, the better). However, real beauty comes from within (I know this is the most cliche-est cliche statement ever) but it still remains the truth. We get all hot and bothered when we feel that we are not living up to the expectations that others have set for us. We want to be what the world wants us to be and we do not learn to accept who we are.

Today I cried…I cried because I felt this pain again but this time it was different. It brought me to the realization of the time I had lost, seeking approval, waiting for validation and falling short each time (because no one will love you the way they should if you do not love yourself like you must). It was different, this time, because I brought myself to the realization of myself: a precious, priceless jewel who needs to be loved and cared for and this task I must accomplish first on my own before I can receive it from anybody else.

Make a decision to value yourself above all else and live up only to the standards you have set for yourself. Never let the world dictate to you who you are and how you need to appear before it. It is never an easy task, but once you come to the realization of who you are, learn to accept yourself. Say to your little heart: Be Strong!

TO DO: Only what makes you happy.

DAILY MANTRA: I accept myself, I love myself.